do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
