based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
