I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
