i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
