I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
