At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just tell him i said nine months
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
