he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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