Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
