Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
