alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
