He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
