i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
