would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
