so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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