I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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