Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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