Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
