i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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