just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
