I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
