did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
