my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
