the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
