I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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