I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
