Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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