Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
