May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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