38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
