shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
