Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
