i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.