shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck