White coat. Heels.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
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Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.