woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...