Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
