then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
