i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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