There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
