Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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