how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
