i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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