are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
