I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
