You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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