Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just want nice things and good sex
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
