thus making me awesome and them whores
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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