did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
