I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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