I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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