apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
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