reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
