We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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