you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
