Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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