Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
