A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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