you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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