girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
