from now on my penis is your penis
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
