I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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