Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
