did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
