if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
