so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
