happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
