I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
