'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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