Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
