dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
His hands were made for my vagina.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
