I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
