if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
