do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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