Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
