if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
