it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
