marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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