But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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