When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize