Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
