So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
