We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize