when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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