$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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