Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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